Wednesday, March 24, 2010
QUOTE
There are two ways of meeting difficulties: you alter the difficulties, or you alter yourself to meet them. -- Phyllis Bottome
QUOTE
Those who love deeply never grow old - they may die of old age, but they die young. -- A.W. Pinero
Ahhhhhh...Motherhood
Ahhhhh....the not so joys of motherhood. A lot of days can be interesting....loud... messy.....and no matter how many times I take a deep breath the day continues to escalate until I hover on the fragile ledge of 'losing it', praying on my knees for those moments where the children are finally....officially asleep and relaxation surrounds me like my favourite blanket, allowing me to read a few pages from the current novel. It might sound overly dramatic but when I'm in the middle of it, that's exactly how I feel.
Don't get me wrong, I love my boys especially when they play together, talk brotherly talk and laugh but then I hear the screaming banshee cry like a referee signalling the beginning of the fight. Or the argument that ignites over who gets to push the wheelchair access buttons first at the bank or doctor's office buildings. Or the argument that ensues over who is getting dried off first after a bath. Or fighting over the same toy when they both possess the exact same toy.
Deep breath, just keep inhaling.....exhaling......inhaling......exhaling.
As you can see and read, I haven't added an entry in nearly two weeks. I find it a little bit depressing not being able to air out my viewpoint or put pen to page especially in that many days.
My excuse is allowing myself to get caught up in the rolling waves of life. I hate when I get swallowed up on the roller coaster. Amidst the rush of the day I do try to pay attention for signs or messages from the Universe.
A few signs came each day for close to a week, now though I'm experiencing that stifled, wheels spinning in a rut feeling again. Those are the moments I could do without.
Things seem to be moving forward slowly but moving forward just the same and then it stops. No more messages.....synchronicity. And then I feel forgotten..... unimportant......alone. Kind of like in the 'Footprints' poem. Even though I know that's crazy. I'm never alone. I keep trying to take tiny steps forward but since the messages stopped I wonder if I'm moving in the wrong direction. The lack of sleep isn't helping. Exercising is thisclose to being forgotten. When I'm exhausted the last thing I want to do is exercise. I don't want to listen to anybody tell me it will help. I'm too tired to hear you most days.
One thing that does help is writing and I certainly am missing it when my schedule doesn't allow it. There are days where there is calm until I sit down and gather my thoughts together and the screaming banshee announces the beginning of round one or my husband suddenly remembers who I am.
I keep telling myself...... Stay Focused. I need to stay focused despite the never ending distractions involved in my life. But the pep talk doesn't always work. Until the days, like today, when one of my sons is in school and my other son is down for a nap like now.
Seize the moment ...... to write and add this entry.
(This entry was finally typed 3 hours later than originally written because of said interruptions)
Don't get me wrong, I love my boys especially when they play together, talk brotherly talk and laugh but then I hear the screaming banshee cry like a referee signalling the beginning of the fight. Or the argument that ignites over who gets to push the wheelchair access buttons first at the bank or doctor's office buildings. Or the argument that ensues over who is getting dried off first after a bath. Or fighting over the same toy when they both possess the exact same toy.
Deep breath, just keep inhaling.....exhaling......inhaling......exhaling.
As you can see and read, I haven't added an entry in nearly two weeks. I find it a little bit depressing not being able to air out my viewpoint or put pen to page especially in that many days.
My excuse is allowing myself to get caught up in the rolling waves of life. I hate when I get swallowed up on the roller coaster. Amidst the rush of the day I do try to pay attention for signs or messages from the Universe.
A few signs came each day for close to a week, now though I'm experiencing that stifled, wheels spinning in a rut feeling again. Those are the moments I could do without.
Things seem to be moving forward slowly but moving forward just the same and then it stops. No more messages.....synchronicity. And then I feel forgotten..... unimportant......alone. Kind of like in the 'Footprints' poem. Even though I know that's crazy. I'm never alone. I keep trying to take tiny steps forward but since the messages stopped I wonder if I'm moving in the wrong direction. The lack of sleep isn't helping. Exercising is thisclose to being forgotten. When I'm exhausted the last thing I want to do is exercise. I don't want to listen to anybody tell me it will help. I'm too tired to hear you most days.
One thing that does help is writing and I certainly am missing it when my schedule doesn't allow it. There are days where there is calm until I sit down and gather my thoughts together and the screaming banshee announces the beginning of round one or my husband suddenly remembers who I am.
I keep telling myself...... Stay Focused. I need to stay focused despite the never ending distractions involved in my life. But the pep talk doesn't always work. Until the days, like today, when one of my sons is in school and my other son is down for a nap like now.
Seize the moment ...... to write and add this entry.
(This entry was finally typed 3 hours later than originally written because of said interruptions)
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Sleep .... A Simple Luxury Lost
My brain is in such a fog. No doubt from the lack of sleep last night. I pray and beg for my youngest son to sleep peacefully through the night. I could count on both hands the number of times he has slept through the night. Hmmmmmmmm... about 10-12 times in the last 28 months. He has some pretty wild dreams, talking in his sleep almost continuously.
My whole family talks in their sleep!!!!
My husband is quick to point out that I elegantly grind my teeth. I always respond "yes, because I'm stressed from not getting any sleep from the rest of you waking me up." I think that's a legitimate excuse.
I can't help it. I miss my sleep. Boy, do I miss my sleep. I never had a problem with my first son. He pretty much slept through the night right from the beginning. Talk about a blessing. But now I seem to be paying for it.
So I'm missing out on a lot of dreams which I mentioned before is where I get a lot of my messages from the Universe.
Even right now, I'm waiting with little expectation for him to finally relax enough to fall asleep but he's chattering away to himself, not taking a break. As for myself, I'm writing this down, instead of laying my own head on a pillow. What's the point in the long run if he's not going to sleep. There's no point in me even attempting to relax.
While I'm stuck outside the land of Nod with double doses of caffeine which don't seem to be working. I pray, once again, for a good night's sleep tonight.
My whole family talks in their sleep!!!!
My husband is quick to point out that I elegantly grind my teeth. I always respond "yes, because I'm stressed from not getting any sleep from the rest of you waking me up." I think that's a legitimate excuse.
I can't help it. I miss my sleep. Boy, do I miss my sleep. I never had a problem with my first son. He pretty much slept through the night right from the beginning. Talk about a blessing. But now I seem to be paying for it.
So I'm missing out on a lot of dreams which I mentioned before is where I get a lot of my messages from the Universe.
Even right now, I'm waiting with little expectation for him to finally relax enough to fall asleep but he's chattering away to himself, not taking a break. As for myself, I'm writing this down, instead of laying my own head on a pillow. What's the point in the long run if he's not going to sleep. There's no point in me even attempting to relax.
While I'm stuck outside the land of Nod with double doses of caffeine which don't seem to be working. I pray, once again, for a good night's sleep tonight.
Corey Haim
It saddened me when I heard the news of Corey Haim's passing. I loved his movies and still do especially "The Lost Boys". He was trying so hard to get back on track by Hollywood's standards I think. I hope now he's at peace.
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Where does the Time Go?????
Why does it seem like life is going by in a rush? Twenty-four hours seems like a blink. The day hardly begins and it's over. Whoa!!!! Back up a bit!!
The technology these days is part of the problem. Everyone trying to multi-task every single thing they do (since there is no such thing, a word created to give an excuse for not being able to focus attention on one task at a time) and having one's nose down, staring at a cell phone screen or a computer screen while the mostly beautiful world goes by unnoticed.
I try to take the necessary breaks during the day to be quiet, to be still especially when the children will allow it, to calm my being so I'm not in constant reaction mode. There are days where my ego is stuck there which can be very depleting.
Staying focused is a positive thing. Staying focused on the many things besides the children, gives me happiness, a jolt of rejuvenation everytime I experience them, to sneak a few moments of time so I can enjoy these things everyday. I can tell when I skip these moments, the crankiness sets in. I hate when I get cranky. So I do my best to avoid those moments, a neverending process.
Make time for yourself.
That's what I keep reminding myself.
The technology these days is part of the problem. Everyone trying to multi-task every single thing they do (since there is no such thing, a word created to give an excuse for not being able to focus attention on one task at a time) and having one's nose down, staring at a cell phone screen or a computer screen while the mostly beautiful world goes by unnoticed.
I try to take the necessary breaks during the day to be quiet, to be still especially when the children will allow it, to calm my being so I'm not in constant reaction mode. There are days where my ego is stuck there which can be very depleting.
Staying focused is a positive thing. Staying focused on the many things besides the children, gives me happiness, a jolt of rejuvenation everytime I experience them, to sneak a few moments of time so I can enjoy these things everyday. I can tell when I skip these moments, the crankiness sets in. I hate when I get cranky. So I do my best to avoid those moments, a neverending process.
Make time for yourself.
That's what I keep reminding myself.
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