I prayed, I waited and I received the sign. And the answer is giving myself permission to find my strength again. Yes, I admit I did lose track of where I left it but now after much encouragement from a trusted mentor, I feel empowered again. My life is enthusiastically getting back on track again.
I continue to listen and look for any other messages. I rely a great deal on the messages I get through my dreams but since my sleep is consistently broken for the past two years, thanks to my youngest son, I don't receive many messages that way. I know his restlessness is connected to my agitated spirit. The truth is unfortunate and frustrating. Even more so because I'm unable to keep more track without the help of the messages in my dreams. So I'm spinning my proverbial wheels in the negative muck yet again. Or at least I was until yesterday when I got my sign.
Thank you to the vessel with which it was sent.
Keep paying attention because the answer is there. You need to be open enough to see it and not shrug anything off as coincidence. There is no such thing as coincidence, they are always signs or messages from the Universe.
Friday, February 26, 2010
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Faith
So it begins, a test in faith. Normally, I accept the life plan, we're all here to experience certain things and lessons to balance out karma from previous lives. We agreed to a specific amount of time and then we leave. Simple enough. I also accept that everything that crosses my path is doing so for a reason. But sometimes these lessons can be a bitch.
I ask for guidance and I usually get it or should I say I'm aware of the response from God, in one form or another. And then there are times when I believe God needs me to prove to myself my own strength. But I'm finding in certain situations I feel almost cornered and I really hate that feeling. I get impatient looking for answers and I get impatient waiting for answers. I know I ruined a good chance to see any kind of answer by adding impatience to the formula. It's very hard to stay calm and detached when I'm in the middle of the moment. I ask what do I need to do right now? And I hear "write" which I'm doing. Am I doing the right kind of writing? ......time will tell, I guess. It's not exactly the answer I was looking for but it's the one I got.
Keep pushing forward and keeping asking for guidance, while holding strong to the faith it/he/she is always listening.
I'm reading Julia Cameron's 'Faith and Will'. An excellent reminder of God working with us if we are willing to meet him halfway or we can fight him every step of the way and see how far we get.....Good read.
I ask for guidance and I usually get it or should I say I'm aware of the response from God, in one form or another. And then there are times when I believe God needs me to prove to myself my own strength. But I'm finding in certain situations I feel almost cornered and I really hate that feeling. I get impatient looking for answers and I get impatient waiting for answers. I know I ruined a good chance to see any kind of answer by adding impatience to the formula. It's very hard to stay calm and detached when I'm in the middle of the moment. I ask what do I need to do right now? And I hear "write" which I'm doing. Am I doing the right kind of writing? ......time will tell, I guess. It's not exactly the answer I was looking for but it's the one I got.
Keep pushing forward and keeping asking for guidance, while holding strong to the faith it/he/she is always listening.
I'm reading Julia Cameron's 'Faith and Will'. An excellent reminder of God working with us if we are willing to meet him halfway or we can fight him every step of the way and see how far we get.....Good read.
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Challenges....There May Be Plenty
I guess I should put this one before the forgiveness entry, it seems out of order but then again life doesn't always go in order.
What I'm talking about is the never ending line of people who cross our paths, testing our patience, hurting our pride, causing us unbearable pain (physical or emotional). Sometimes in my life, there doesn't seem to be a line of people, it's more like a stampede, coming at me in all directions.
I wonder what the heck is going on when certain people in my life literally get in my face or in their cowardly way work the situation behind my back, while hiding in the shadows, thinking I must be stupid like I wouldn't have a clue it was them.
In this life for me, I seem to feel the need to get the full experience with overbearing, pushy women or is it insecure, controlling women. And and every stage of my life there is a resident 'make my life miserable' female. The most recent one keeps teaching me so far that if she's nice to me.....be on guard because she's up to something.
I'm not playing a victim in any way, shape or form. I just sit and wonder why people behave that way. Is it insecurity, fear, issues from childhood, getting a fix on seeing other people hurt or just a case of basic sociopathic behaviour, where they're completely devoid of human compassion and sensitivity. I don't know.
I hear many times that we need to be reminded, we are all innocent, pure spirits here on earth, learning through the same human experience. It's difficult to remember though when I'm in the middle of one of those emotionally challenging moments.
But the one I need to really remind myself is my higher self wrote these moments for myself, knowing I could handle it. God, only gives us no more than we can handle. Boy, some days I don't know about that. Those days I would love to throw in the towel and say 'okay, you know what, you win, who cares anymore'. I even tried sending out love to those you-know-whats but it never seems to take effect until after they zinged me good. OUCH!! Usually I'm feeling a few scratches after those moments.
So I go back to what's the secret with dealing with these people?? Well, one theory is I attract them to me as an obstacle to overcome. And then there's karma. I understand the whole karma thing and I firmly believe it to be true, what I don't understand is why they don't get it.
Sylvia Browne said once on Montel that karma payback comes in God's time, not ours. Yes, I guess if it was in our time it's considered revenge.
That's the real challenge seeing those relationships for what they are and not backing down, standing my ground, learning over time to choose my battles wisely and to take a step back.
What I'm talking about is the never ending line of people who cross our paths, testing our patience, hurting our pride, causing us unbearable pain (physical or emotional). Sometimes in my life, there doesn't seem to be a line of people, it's more like a stampede, coming at me in all directions.
I wonder what the heck is going on when certain people in my life literally get in my face or in their cowardly way work the situation behind my back, while hiding in the shadows, thinking I must be stupid like I wouldn't have a clue it was them.
In this life for me, I seem to feel the need to get the full experience with overbearing, pushy women or is it insecure, controlling women. And and every stage of my life there is a resident 'make my life miserable' female. The most recent one keeps teaching me so far that if she's nice to me.....be on guard because she's up to something.
I'm not playing a victim in any way, shape or form. I just sit and wonder why people behave that way. Is it insecurity, fear, issues from childhood, getting a fix on seeing other people hurt or just a case of basic sociopathic behaviour, where they're completely devoid of human compassion and sensitivity. I don't know.
I hear many times that we need to be reminded, we are all innocent, pure spirits here on earth, learning through the same human experience. It's difficult to remember though when I'm in the middle of one of those emotionally challenging moments.
But the one I need to really remind myself is my higher self wrote these moments for myself, knowing I could handle it. God, only gives us no more than we can handle. Boy, some days I don't know about that. Those days I would love to throw in the towel and say 'okay, you know what, you win, who cares anymore'. I even tried sending out love to those you-know-whats but it never seems to take effect until after they zinged me good. OUCH!! Usually I'm feeling a few scratches after those moments.
So I go back to what's the secret with dealing with these people?? Well, one theory is I attract them to me as an obstacle to overcome. And then there's karma. I understand the whole karma thing and I firmly believe it to be true, what I don't understand is why they don't get it.
Sylvia Browne said once on Montel that karma payback comes in God's time, not ours. Yes, I guess if it was in our time it's considered revenge.
That's the real challenge seeing those relationships for what they are and not backing down, standing my ground, learning over time to choose my battles wisely and to take a step back.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Forgiveness
I'm learning more and more with each passing day, month and year that holding onto a grudge can be deadly, literally. I'm a very loyal person and I expect it in return so when I get stabbed in the back especially by someone I considered a good friend, I shut down, cutting that person out of my life. Some things are just unforgivable. Plain and simple. But the only problem is I'm hanging onto it. It's literally stuck to me, weighing me down, eventually taking over my life, gradually leaving me sick. You're probably asking yourself 'Why would you do that?' Problem is we all do it. We all are hanging onto something from our past, something that hurt us, changing who we are. I can definitely agree with being changed by a friend's hurtfulness but even above and beyond that and not being able to let it go.
Always on guard, just in case it happens again. There's always that possibility especially when those people are part of my extended family.
So much was weighing me down because of their constant presence and I wasn't liking my moods anymore.
Things needed to change, exercising was one of them, as mentioned in my previous entry. Another was letting go of the hurtful memories because they weren't helping me. Releasing the built up frustration and the anger over the past is a blessing. Now remember just because I'm forgiving doesn't mean they are absolved of their karma for being hurtful, it means I let go so I don't lose myself in the pain any longer.
I started with Reiki.
I remembered afterwards a comment Louise Hay said on Oprah. Now I'm paraphrasing so bear with me. How we could be trying everything to move forward on a project, a relationship, something, anything but it just isn't happening. If that's the case maybe we need to look behind us and see if we need to forgive somebody.
That memory was a lightbulb moment.
There's where I was stuck in the muck of bitter resentment. And I don't like carrying the load anymore.
One minute at a time, one day at a time, I will drop this load. It's too heavy and I want to be happy again.
Always on guard, just in case it happens again. There's always that possibility especially when those people are part of my extended family.
So much was weighing me down because of their constant presence and I wasn't liking my moods anymore.
Things needed to change, exercising was one of them, as mentioned in my previous entry. Another was letting go of the hurtful memories because they weren't helping me. Releasing the built up frustration and the anger over the past is a blessing. Now remember just because I'm forgiving doesn't mean they are absolved of their karma for being hurtful, it means I let go so I don't lose myself in the pain any longer.
I started with Reiki.
I remembered afterwards a comment Louise Hay said on Oprah. Now I'm paraphrasing so bear with me. How we could be trying everything to move forward on a project, a relationship, something, anything but it just isn't happening. If that's the case maybe we need to look behind us and see if we need to forgive somebody.
That memory was a lightbulb moment.
There's where I was stuck in the muck of bitter resentment. And I don't like carrying the load anymore.
One minute at a time, one day at a time, I will drop this load. It's too heavy and I want to be happy again.
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Exercise
Here I am at the end of the first week in February of 2010. I am about 3 weeks late getting started instead of like most everybody else on January 1st but you already know one of my resolutions is curing my procrastination problem. I'm,of course, still working on that one. It won't disappear overnight..... so baby steps.
But I did start one thing.... exercising and small changes in my diet. Since I know a lot of people don't like the word 'diet' I'll switch it to 'food intake'. I do the 10,000 steps a day that Dr. Oz suggested and sit ups. I'm noticing a difference already so I'm sticking with it. Little changes go a long way especially in loosening my clothes. It's amazing what having babies does to a woman's body. Some women are blessed to be given bodies that snap right back to pre-baby shape. I, however, was not one of them. OK, yes I was for the first one. Not so much for the second one. Since I'm noticing the exercising making a dent in the post-baby weight, I will persevere.
And then there's the emotional weight all wound up inside of it. Hanging onto those pounds in the past seemed to make life easier but now I decided 'no more'. Moving on and shaking loose old thoughts not helping me in the now ....... in the present. Exercising is assisting me to work off built up energy, releasing overwhelming frustrations with being the title of wife, mother (all the unmentioned titles that come with being a mother) and career woman. Sometimes too many titles can be cause for all the extra stress.
There was a time when I regularly did 15,000 steps a day. Before husband and children, that is. One day I will be there again. Small changes. One day at a time ..... one minute at a time.
Exercising is helping me to feel good about myself again. For that I'm grateful.
But I did start one thing.... exercising and small changes in my diet. Since I know a lot of people don't like the word 'diet' I'll switch it to 'food intake'. I do the 10,000 steps a day that Dr. Oz suggested and sit ups. I'm noticing a difference already so I'm sticking with it. Little changes go a long way especially in loosening my clothes. It's amazing what having babies does to a woman's body. Some women are blessed to be given bodies that snap right back to pre-baby shape. I, however, was not one of them. OK, yes I was for the first one. Not so much for the second one. Since I'm noticing the exercising making a dent in the post-baby weight, I will persevere.
And then there's the emotional weight all wound up inside of it. Hanging onto those pounds in the past seemed to make life easier but now I decided 'no more'. Moving on and shaking loose old thoughts not helping me in the now ....... in the present. Exercising is assisting me to work off built up energy, releasing overwhelming frustrations with being the title of wife, mother (all the unmentioned titles that come with being a mother) and career woman. Sometimes too many titles can be cause for all the extra stress.
There was a time when I regularly did 15,000 steps a day. Before husband and children, that is. One day I will be there again. Small changes. One day at a time ..... one minute at a time.
Exercising is helping me to feel good about myself again. For that I'm grateful.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Another Legend Gone
I watched the Grammys on Sunday night, not all of it mind you, I don't have the 3 1/2 hours to devote to it like I used to and I haven't watched it in at least 6 years. Being a Bon Jovi fan, I was surprised when the announcers said it was their first performance on the Grammys. Great songs and the guys looked good.
I shed a few more tears when the tribute to Michael Jackson played. It's still hard to believe he is gone. He was, still is and always will be the King of Pop.
Anybody who grew up in the 80's knew the Thriller album, the hit songs, the one white glove and that freaky video. To this day, it is still the coolest video. Oh my gosh, who didn't attempt the moonwalk??
His 'Man in the Mirror' song always stirs my soul, reminding me I can make a difference in the world. It's all a matter of choice.
Sure there are plenty of people who are quick to bring up all the alleged bad things he took part in the last decade or so of his life. Who knows if he did or he didn't, only he and God know for sure. And that's between them now.
The rest of us are left with his music and remembering the huge impact he had on our culture. And with that I will always cherish the memories of my childhood hearing his music in the background.
He was and always will remain the King of Pop.
Here's to you, Michael.....
I shed a few more tears when the tribute to Michael Jackson played. It's still hard to believe he is gone. He was, still is and always will be the King of Pop.
Anybody who grew up in the 80's knew the Thriller album, the hit songs, the one white glove and that freaky video. To this day, it is still the coolest video. Oh my gosh, who didn't attempt the moonwalk??
His 'Man in the Mirror' song always stirs my soul, reminding me I can make a difference in the world. It's all a matter of choice.
Sure there are plenty of people who are quick to bring up all the alleged bad things he took part in the last decade or so of his life. Who knows if he did or he didn't, only he and God know for sure. And that's between them now.
The rest of us are left with his music and remembering the huge impact he had on our culture. And with that I will always cherish the memories of my childhood hearing his music in the background.
He was and always will remain the King of Pop.
Here's to you, Michael.....
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