Forgiveness

I'm learning more and more with each passing day, month and year that holding onto a grudge can be deadly, literally. I'm a very loyal person and I expect it in return so when I get stabbed in the back especially by someone I considered a good friend, I shut down, cutting that person out of my life. Some things are just unforgivable. Plain and simple. But the only problem is I'm hanging onto it. It's literally stuck to me, weighing me down, eventually taking over my life, gradually leaving me sick. You're probably asking yourself 'Why would you do that?' Problem is we all do it. We all are hanging onto something from our past, something that hurt us, changing who we are. I can definitely agree with being changed by a friend's hurtfulness but even above and beyond that and not being able to let it go.
Always on guard, just in case it happens again. There's always that possibility especially when those people are part of my extended family.
So much was weighing me down because of their constant presence and I wasn't liking my moods anymore.
Things needed to change, exercising was one of them, as mentioned in my previous entry. Another was letting go of the hurtful memories because they weren't helping me. Releasing the built up frustration and the anger over the past is a blessing. Now remember just because I'm forgiving doesn't mean they are absolved of their karma for being hurtful, it means I let go so I don't lose myself in the pain any longer.
I started with Reiki.
I remembered afterwards a comment Louise Hay said on Oprah. Now I'm paraphrasing so bear with me. How we could be trying everything to move forward on a project, a relationship, something, anything but it just isn't happening. If that's the case maybe we need to look behind us and see if we need to forgive somebody.
That memory was a lightbulb moment.
There's where I was stuck in the muck of bitter resentment. And I don't like carrying the load anymore.
One minute at a time, one day at a time, I will drop this load. It's too heavy and I want to be happy again.