More...... Please?!

Have you ever asked yourself "Is there more than this?". I did. I remember it was January 1996 after a bad breakup. I thought is this it? Nothing but uncertainty and loss. One day shortly after the breakup, I happened across a poem. It read about how nothing is random, the one who has the control in the Universe has a plan for everyone. It was such a simple poem but I experienced my first conscious "AHA" moment.
So back to the question is there more? It isn't about the things, the possessions, the bling. There's no fulfillment there. There will be times I go shopping, an eagerness in me to buy this, that, another one of that and the other thing even though I don't really NEED any of it. Oh yes, I WANT it but once I get home and rifle through the bags, that feeling of regret settles in. Why did I waste $100 on all of this. Now I know $100 doesn't sound like much to some and to others it might feel like a small fortune so replace the $100 with an amount you can relate to that will start the guilt train down the track in your brain. You know what I'm talking about ..... the broken record of put-downs playing in a person's head when you have a vulnerable moment.
Man, don't you just love that depressing one hit wonder? You just can't get it out of your head. At least, I know it's a challenge for me but those moments are getting fewer and farther between.
I want to put something new on the turntable and I'm working on it. Whenever I hear the old broken record start playing I quickly interrupt with new positive affirmations and I repeat them at least 20 times, if not more.
I'm determined to create a new reality for myself. It's been a constant work in progress but everyday for the last 14 years I'm constantly transforming my world and every so often pushing myself to step out of the box.
That fear of change can immobilize a person. I never realized until the moment I got the chance to change my life by doing the unthinkable (in a woman's eyes) and calling up my future husband to ask him out on a date. I was so scared staring at that phone, I burst into tears. So I didn't end up calling him the first night. But I did convince myself on the second night.
Another time was going back to school. I reminded myself that I wanted something better for myself, something "more" that feeling of fulfillment, not to be stuck where I was at that point in my life. Because I felt stuck, literally. It was time to move on. The only one holding myself back was me. I tuned out the naysayers a while before that so don't listen to them.
You never know what you got in store for yourself unless you give yourself a fighting chance. So go for it! What's your more??