One thing I found out today when I got the crazy idea of wading into the insanity called the-last-Saturday-before-Christmas-shopping. I thought I was close to going off the deep end yesterday but then again it was me with my oldest. Except for his hissy fit in the store, things were rather mellow. He's older so he knows to stay with me. I got what I needed to get and headed for the exit without thinking twice. I made a couple of small donations with the loose change clinking around in my pocket. Another way to get the flow moving and something I haven't done in too long. I love Christmas and the feeling I get and the smiles on people's faces when I wish them a "Merry Christmas". I don't care if the good ol' boys on Parliament Hill think it's politically incorrect. They're full of stupid ideas....look at the HST. I call it the Hit and Slap Tax.
But back to my original point. I think I'm done my seasonal shopping so I've got to figure out how to get these presents wrapped with my 3year old in the house. Maybe my sister could take him......
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Christmas Insanity....Part 1
I'm backtracking to the weekend before Christmas.....
Oh boy, Christmas shopping ..... Ugh!!!! Each year, I find it as nerve wracking as the previous ones. It seems like every body's impatience to get their own shopping finished brings out their thoughtlessness, insensitivities. Patience goes a long way. I know I wrote about it last year about this time but just like last year mine is wearing a little thin. I try to keep my shopping trips short and at the less than busier times to avoid my stress levels peaking. Unfortunately, I was not able to do that yesterday. My mother does not like driving in heavier traffic. She's prone to panic attacks. Can't say as I blame her. The place we live has more than our fair share of idiots when it comes to driving. It can be a constant see-saw of driving offensively and defensively. You see my point.
But getting back on topic. She hates shopping at night. It seems to throw her whole schedule off....so I was forced to delve into the chaos that is only unique to Christmas shopping. Added to the mix which was unavoidable was my three year old. I give him mountains of credit. He was alot more patient than any toddler has a right too.
But thank goodness its over. I think.....
Oh boy, Christmas shopping ..... Ugh!!!! Each year, I find it as nerve wracking as the previous ones. It seems like every body's impatience to get their own shopping finished brings out their thoughtlessness, insensitivities. Patience goes a long way. I know I wrote about it last year about this time but just like last year mine is wearing a little thin. I try to keep my shopping trips short and at the less than busier times to avoid my stress levels peaking. Unfortunately, I was not able to do that yesterday. My mother does not like driving in heavier traffic. She's prone to panic attacks. Can't say as I blame her. The place we live has more than our fair share of idiots when it comes to driving. It can be a constant see-saw of driving offensively and defensively. You see my point.
But getting back on topic. She hates shopping at night. It seems to throw her whole schedule off....so I was forced to delve into the chaos that is only unique to Christmas shopping. Added to the mix which was unavoidable was my three year old. I give him mountains of credit. He was alot more patient than any toddler has a right too.
But thank goodness its over. I think.....
Monday, December 20, 2010
Lost Time
The year has drifted by effortlessly and its been months since I wrote last. I'm embarrassed to admit I allowed life get in the way. I allowed procrastination to take over controlling, pigeonholing my interests and allowed the lesser important things..... distractions to become front and center. Slowly sapping my energy. What was distracting me?? My favourite shows when the fall lineup started were part of it. I had to tape them just so I could watch them in 15 minute increments. In the summer, well paying more attention to someone else's behaviour. That alone can be very time consuming. I did do a bit of my other writing and I did obtain a casual part-time job since my other job, that I love by the way, was less than busy. Trying to stay optimistic can be a full-time job in itself when attached to the one about watching with a suspicious eye that other person's behaviour. It's amazing how much time can be wasted thinking.... just thinking about said person's behaviour while I stare at a blank page.
But I did come to realize by the change of seasons that things needed to change in my own life. I know I said it before but quite frankly nothing changed. That old quote "the more things change the more they stay same" kept singing in my ear. Drastic change that's what I need. A little hard to do when I have two children. But other women have done it and continue to do it....so can I.
But I did come to realize by the change of seasons that things needed to change in my own life. I know I said it before but quite frankly nothing changed. That old quote "the more things change the more they stay same" kept singing in my ear. Drastic change that's what I need. A little hard to do when I have two children. But other women have done it and continue to do it....so can I.
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Stress neverending.....
Stress for me comes in many forms like everybody else. And it's all self-induced, no matter what the situation. That fact doesn't help when I'm in the middle of a beyond stressful moment. What could be the most stressful job?? There will be many out there to disagree with me but for me a month ago was ......wedding photographer!!!! Hands down!!!! When the photographer doesn't do a good job, the bride will let you know about it.
Photography is one of my passions. I love it. I only do outdoor weddings on the rare occasions I give in and take pictures for a wedding. I'm picky about the lighting and surroundings and when those criteria don't work I'm my own worst critic. That's not saying much since I am a Virgo. But in my opinion to do a job is to do it the absolute best I can do or what's the point especially when I'm getting paid. So that's where the stress enters my life. Never ending perfection in my own head. I push myself and it works sometimes and if I'm not careful I receive the wonderful migraine. Usually three days worth.
Passions are important but I need to try and not get so overwhelmed by other personalities. They are draining, exhausting and sap any ounce of reasonable calmness located in my body.
I'm learning stress is linked to fear.
No fear.....ok.....no stress........hahahaha.
Photography is one of my passions. I love it. I only do outdoor weddings on the rare occasions I give in and take pictures for a wedding. I'm picky about the lighting and surroundings and when those criteria don't work I'm my own worst critic. That's not saying much since I am a Virgo. But in my opinion to do a job is to do it the absolute best I can do or what's the point especially when I'm getting paid. So that's where the stress enters my life. Never ending perfection in my own head. I push myself and it works sometimes and if I'm not careful I receive the wonderful migraine. Usually three days worth.
Passions are important but I need to try and not get so overwhelmed by other personalities. They are draining, exhausting and sap any ounce of reasonable calmness located in my body.
I'm learning stress is linked to fear.
No fear.....ok.....no stress........hahahaha.
Saturday, July 17, 2010
Exams........
I passed my Iridology exam and I'm so excited for the present and the future filled with more possibilities for my growing business.
There's a few more topics I want to learn more about but I need to remain patient.... one topic at a time.
The biggest challenge is informing the public. So many people are not aware of Reflexology, Iridology, Reiki, etc.....which can be understandable but frustrating. But then again my husband never heard of Tiger Woods....What?!
Advertising is effective to a certain degree but it all boils down to people can be so afraid of things they won't try.
I notice every time I have a booth set up for Reflexology, I sit and wait for that first person. And I wait....and I wait.... and I wait but once that first person sits in my chair, the sign up list becomes full very quickly when they see with their own eyes what happens. Like last weekend at the local carnival. Reflexology is so effective at helping the whole body to relax, bring balance back and rid the body of any aches and pains the person might be experiencing.
Iridology is reading the markings on the iris, the colour part of the eyes. Each mark and its location can tell past injuries, problems in the body etc. It is very effective. The eyes really are the window to the soul.
So many alternative ways to help the body instead of popping a pill that might not be necessary.
There's a few more topics I want to learn more about but I need to remain patient.... one topic at a time.
The biggest challenge is informing the public. So many people are not aware of Reflexology, Iridology, Reiki, etc.....which can be understandable but frustrating. But then again my husband never heard of Tiger Woods....What?!
Advertising is effective to a certain degree but it all boils down to people can be so afraid of things they won't try.
I notice every time I have a booth set up for Reflexology, I sit and wait for that first person. And I wait....and I wait.... and I wait but once that first person sits in my chair, the sign up list becomes full very quickly when they see with their own eyes what happens. Like last weekend at the local carnival. Reflexology is so effective at helping the whole body to relax, bring balance back and rid the body of any aches and pains the person might be experiencing.
Iridology is reading the markings on the iris, the colour part of the eyes. Each mark and its location can tell past injuries, problems in the body etc. It is very effective. The eyes really are the window to the soul.
So many alternative ways to help the body instead of popping a pill that might not be necessary.
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Losing Loved Ones.......
I got reminded again this morning how fragile life can be, not that I need to be reminded. My front and center learning experience was when my husband was killed 10 years ago in a car accident. In the last eight months, I now know 4 different widows.....all women I've known for years in various extensions of my life experiencing the loss of their spouse like I had and my heart breaks all over again for them. No one should have to go through that pain....of losing anyone. The tears and loneliness following the funeral when the crowds of the first week gradually disappear, no one can describe it or understand it unless they have been through every single heart wrenching moment.
I want to jump in and take their pain away if its at all possible which it isn't but I can't help it. I know they need to go through it. It's all part of the journey. We all learn from the bad as well as the good.
I learned how much I want to help people feel good, relax, better their health, pamper themselves ever since I lost him. It took me a little while, postponing my life while I grieved. As you know, procrastination is my worse challenge to overcome but I continue to push myself every day or every other day or once a week. But I still push.
I still grieve to this day because I will always miss him.
I want to jump in and take their pain away if its at all possible which it isn't but I can't help it. I know they need to go through it. It's all part of the journey. We all learn from the bad as well as the good.
I learned how much I want to help people feel good, relax, better their health, pamper themselves ever since I lost him. It took me a little while, postponing my life while I grieved. As you know, procrastination is my worse challenge to overcome but I continue to push myself every day or every other day or once a week. But I still push.
I still grieve to this day because I will always miss him.
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Ahhhhhhh Summer..........
I love all the brilliant colours coming from the flowers. I'm disappointed to see the lilacs gone already. I love their colour and their scent. Not that I would be able to smell them this week anyways. I have been blessed with yet another cold. I say blessed because I read everybody should be grateful for everything in their life including the bad stuff. I figure colds and flus fall under the category of bad stuff. The boys and I have experienced a bout of the flu in the past month and now this brutal cold. I try to look at that maybe I'm supposed to slow down whenever I get sick but I also lose customers and income. Nobody else wants to get sick and I don't blame them.
So my task right now is searching for another source of income that isn't so strongly affected by my health and still leaves my schedule open for my other business. And doesn't alter my time with my kids as well.
I was directed towards one of my hobbies earlier today so I will push forward on that idea and see what happens. I love to write also and as you can see I'm doing that already along with some other writing projects. I'm doing my best to stay patient and see where it leads. Patience is strongly required for this cold as well. Which one needs it more??? It's a coin toss.
So my task right now is searching for another source of income that isn't so strongly affected by my health and still leaves my schedule open for my other business. And doesn't alter my time with my kids as well.
I was directed towards one of my hobbies earlier today so I will push forward on that idea and see what happens. I love to write also and as you can see I'm doing that already along with some other writing projects. I'm doing my best to stay patient and see where it leads. Patience is strongly required for this cold as well. Which one needs it more??? It's a coin toss.
Monday, May 31, 2010
QUOTE
Happiness is the only good.
The time to be happy is now.
The place to be happy is here.
The way to be happy is to make others so.
-- Robert G. Ingersoll
The time to be happy is now.
The place to be happy is here.
The way to be happy is to make others so.
-- Robert G. Ingersoll
Vacations.....
A break, a change of scenery, a long visit with one of my girlfriends that's what my world called for on Saturday and I did it. I usually go through the usual, run-of-the-mill routine but when I woke up this morning (despite my lack of sleep thanks to both my sons) with a strong itch to go visiting. I tried to think of who, who could I go visit on a Saturday who wasn't already spending quality time with her family. A quick scan in my memory of conversation during the week led me to believe I was out of luck. Hopes dashed, I got a little down. Until the phone rang a few minutes later and it was one of my best girlfriends wondering what I was doing because her husband was gone for the day. With a renewed sense of excitement believed to be snatched from me a short time earlier, I got myself ready and the boys packed.
What a wonderful day for two girls hanging out, catching up while receiving some much needed and deserved relaxation while her teenage son watched my boys.
Thank you doesn't seem to be enough especially when she sends me home a ziploc bag full of her delectable, melt-in-my-mouth peanut butter and jelly cookies. This girl needs to be a caterer. Everything she bakes or cooks is a creation and delicious beyond words. But besides that, she is one of my dearest friends who provided me with a brief vacation. And the Universe obviously thought so as well.
What a wonderful day for two girls hanging out, catching up while receiving some much needed and deserved relaxation while her teenage son watched my boys.
Thank you doesn't seem to be enough especially when she sends me home a ziploc bag full of her delectable, melt-in-my-mouth peanut butter and jelly cookies. This girl needs to be a caterer. Everything she bakes or cooks is a creation and delicious beyond words. But besides that, she is one of my dearest friends who provided me with a brief vacation. And the Universe obviously thought so as well.
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
QUOTE
We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience. -- Teilhard de Chardin
Moving Forward.......Sort of
Summer is just about here, knocking on my door, reminding me that 2010 is well underway and almost at the halfway mark which sends me into a mild panic.
I'm trying to push my way along, working, hoping, praying my plans will become real and then I get reminders to slow down, be more patient. How much more patience do I need when challenge after challenge literally shoves its presence into my life. I say enough already. Help me to see the path. There is so much energy around me. It feels electric but I'm stuck, spinning my wheels while I go even deeper into the mud. Interruptions, constant interruptions. Look how much time has passed since my last entry again because I've got other writing projects on the go, a release of sorts, and a business that involves helping people to destress themselves. For some reluctantly. While reading more about spirituality, searching for signs, direction, receiving some and then they stop, leaving the buildup of exhilaration to drop to the floor and shatter like glass.
Moving forward is a must!!! No more excuses!!! No more spinning wheels in the mud!!! No more feeling cornered and trapped!!! From now on each step forward is a step to new possibilities....a new life.
I'm trying to push my way along, working, hoping, praying my plans will become real and then I get reminders to slow down, be more patient. How much more patience do I need when challenge after challenge literally shoves its presence into my life. I say enough already. Help me to see the path. There is so much energy around me. It feels electric but I'm stuck, spinning my wheels while I go even deeper into the mud. Interruptions, constant interruptions. Look how much time has passed since my last entry again because I've got other writing projects on the go, a release of sorts, and a business that involves helping people to destress themselves. For some reluctantly. While reading more about spirituality, searching for signs, direction, receiving some and then they stop, leaving the buildup of exhilaration to drop to the floor and shatter like glass.
Moving forward is a must!!! No more excuses!!! No more spinning wheels in the mud!!! No more feeling cornered and trapped!!! From now on each step forward is a step to new possibilities....a new life.
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
QUOTE
When we do the best that we can, we never know what miracles is wrought in our life, or in the life of another -- Helen Keller
Feast or Famine
Do you ever notice sometimes that life is a roller coaster of feast or famine moments? That's my life right now. It's at a high point for a feast, well sort of, especially on the weekends. My different interests are suddenly happening all at once almost clashing or is it colliding. Either way it's a challenge.
I'm finding motherhood can be an obstacle when other things I feel passionate about conflict in schedule. I know there are some women who would jump all over me for saying such a thing but I know there are other women who can relate completely. I know because I watched a couple of episodes on Oprah on this exact topic.
Back to the point .... there are so many things I would love to get a lot more involved in but at the moment I am unable to because my children need me. I get told I have plenty of time in the future for all those things I'm interested in but do I? I learned a decade ago with my husband's passing that life is too short and to seize the moment. So who says I'm even granted another day, week, or year. That's my dilemma especially since any outside interests of mine are met with friction and guilt trips. That story is saved for another day, another entry. But right now, I can only take a deep breath and accept for the moment whatever interest I am allowed to take part in and hope it will change in the more recent future.
I'm finding motherhood can be an obstacle when other things I feel passionate about conflict in schedule. I know there are some women who would jump all over me for saying such a thing but I know there are other women who can relate completely. I know because I watched a couple of episodes on Oprah on this exact topic.
Back to the point .... there are so many things I would love to get a lot more involved in but at the moment I am unable to because my children need me. I get told I have plenty of time in the future for all those things I'm interested in but do I? I learned a decade ago with my husband's passing that life is too short and to seize the moment. So who says I'm even granted another day, week, or year. That's my dilemma especially since any outside interests of mine are met with friction and guilt trips. That story is saved for another day, another entry. But right now, I can only take a deep breath and accept for the moment whatever interest I am allowed to take part in and hope it will change in the more recent future.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
QUOTE
Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up. - Thomas Edison
Distraction.....
Distraction is a simple word but can be a flashing neon sign in front of me following me around for the past four to six weeks and a ditch leading to the rut of procrastination. The thought seems odd since Spring has arrived and normally Spring brings rejuvenation, new ideas, fresh new beginnings. But it doesn't matter .... completely. There's always something; children, housework, spouse, etc. needing neverending attention. Housework can wait, I've done it in the past but only for so long. Children need attention, that's a given but sometimes they are so involved in playing they forget about me for a few minutes. Those few minutes are seized to slip a bit of writing, reading, thinking .....me time in. I tape all my favourite prime time television programs so I won't miss any but I need to find time to watch them since eventually I run out of tapes (modern technology only goes so far with me, I'm not into downloading every bloody thing in creation onto my computer). I'm finding out how much a spouse can actually be like having a third child without the labour pains. Making a mess equal to the children's without any attempt to clean it up. OH BROTHER!!
So procrastination slithered back into control and I allowed it, almost welcoming it. That's why my entries have been stagnant. I've been focusing more on my other writing endeavours in my scraps of spare time. There are other interests...... passions I want to focus on as well. I need to get back on track. Especially when the exercising did get forgotten. It's been on my mind A LOT the past few days so I need to give myself that nudge to do it again. It's so easy to get caught up in the rest of the chaos called life. But the constant reminder to keep life in balance is needed ..... it's mandatory.
I am mandatory.
So procrastination slithered back into control and I allowed it, almost welcoming it. That's why my entries have been stagnant. I've been focusing more on my other writing endeavours in my scraps of spare time. There are other interests...... passions I want to focus on as well. I need to get back on track. Especially when the exercising did get forgotten. It's been on my mind A LOT the past few days so I need to give myself that nudge to do it again. It's so easy to get caught up in the rest of the chaos called life. But the constant reminder to keep life in balance is needed ..... it's mandatory.
I am mandatory.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
QUOTE
There are two ways of meeting difficulties: you alter the difficulties, or you alter yourself to meet them. -- Phyllis Bottome
QUOTE
Those who love deeply never grow old - they may die of old age, but they die young. -- A.W. Pinero
Ahhhhhh...Motherhood
Ahhhhh....the not so joys of motherhood. A lot of days can be interesting....loud... messy.....and no matter how many times I take a deep breath the day continues to escalate until I hover on the fragile ledge of 'losing it', praying on my knees for those moments where the children are finally....officially asleep and relaxation surrounds me like my favourite blanket, allowing me to read a few pages from the current novel. It might sound overly dramatic but when I'm in the middle of it, that's exactly how I feel.
Don't get me wrong, I love my boys especially when they play together, talk brotherly talk and laugh but then I hear the screaming banshee cry like a referee signalling the beginning of the fight. Or the argument that ignites over who gets to push the wheelchair access buttons first at the bank or doctor's office buildings. Or the argument that ensues over who is getting dried off first after a bath. Or fighting over the same toy when they both possess the exact same toy.
Deep breath, just keep inhaling.....exhaling......inhaling......exhaling.
As you can see and read, I haven't added an entry in nearly two weeks. I find it a little bit depressing not being able to air out my viewpoint or put pen to page especially in that many days.
My excuse is allowing myself to get caught up in the rolling waves of life. I hate when I get swallowed up on the roller coaster. Amidst the rush of the day I do try to pay attention for signs or messages from the Universe.
A few signs came each day for close to a week, now though I'm experiencing that stifled, wheels spinning in a rut feeling again. Those are the moments I could do without.
Things seem to be moving forward slowly but moving forward just the same and then it stops. No more messages.....synchronicity. And then I feel forgotten..... unimportant......alone. Kind of like in the 'Footprints' poem. Even though I know that's crazy. I'm never alone. I keep trying to take tiny steps forward but since the messages stopped I wonder if I'm moving in the wrong direction. The lack of sleep isn't helping. Exercising is thisclose to being forgotten. When I'm exhausted the last thing I want to do is exercise. I don't want to listen to anybody tell me it will help. I'm too tired to hear you most days.
One thing that does help is writing and I certainly am missing it when my schedule doesn't allow it. There are days where there is calm until I sit down and gather my thoughts together and the screaming banshee announces the beginning of round one or my husband suddenly remembers who I am.
I keep telling myself...... Stay Focused. I need to stay focused despite the never ending distractions involved in my life. But the pep talk doesn't always work. Until the days, like today, when one of my sons is in school and my other son is down for a nap like now.
Seize the moment ...... to write and add this entry.
(This entry was finally typed 3 hours later than originally written because of said interruptions)
Don't get me wrong, I love my boys especially when they play together, talk brotherly talk and laugh but then I hear the screaming banshee cry like a referee signalling the beginning of the fight. Or the argument that ignites over who gets to push the wheelchair access buttons first at the bank or doctor's office buildings. Or the argument that ensues over who is getting dried off first after a bath. Or fighting over the same toy when they both possess the exact same toy.
Deep breath, just keep inhaling.....exhaling......inhaling......exhaling.
As you can see and read, I haven't added an entry in nearly two weeks. I find it a little bit depressing not being able to air out my viewpoint or put pen to page especially in that many days.
My excuse is allowing myself to get caught up in the rolling waves of life. I hate when I get swallowed up on the roller coaster. Amidst the rush of the day I do try to pay attention for signs or messages from the Universe.
A few signs came each day for close to a week, now though I'm experiencing that stifled, wheels spinning in a rut feeling again. Those are the moments I could do without.
Things seem to be moving forward slowly but moving forward just the same and then it stops. No more messages.....synchronicity. And then I feel forgotten..... unimportant......alone. Kind of like in the 'Footprints' poem. Even though I know that's crazy. I'm never alone. I keep trying to take tiny steps forward but since the messages stopped I wonder if I'm moving in the wrong direction. The lack of sleep isn't helping. Exercising is thisclose to being forgotten. When I'm exhausted the last thing I want to do is exercise. I don't want to listen to anybody tell me it will help. I'm too tired to hear you most days.
One thing that does help is writing and I certainly am missing it when my schedule doesn't allow it. There are days where there is calm until I sit down and gather my thoughts together and the screaming banshee announces the beginning of round one or my husband suddenly remembers who I am.
I keep telling myself...... Stay Focused. I need to stay focused despite the never ending distractions involved in my life. But the pep talk doesn't always work. Until the days, like today, when one of my sons is in school and my other son is down for a nap like now.
Seize the moment ...... to write and add this entry.
(This entry was finally typed 3 hours later than originally written because of said interruptions)
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Sleep .... A Simple Luxury Lost
My brain is in such a fog. No doubt from the lack of sleep last night. I pray and beg for my youngest son to sleep peacefully through the night. I could count on both hands the number of times he has slept through the night. Hmmmmmmmm... about 10-12 times in the last 28 months. He has some pretty wild dreams, talking in his sleep almost continuously.
My whole family talks in their sleep!!!!
My husband is quick to point out that I elegantly grind my teeth. I always respond "yes, because I'm stressed from not getting any sleep from the rest of you waking me up." I think that's a legitimate excuse.
I can't help it. I miss my sleep. Boy, do I miss my sleep. I never had a problem with my first son. He pretty much slept through the night right from the beginning. Talk about a blessing. But now I seem to be paying for it.
So I'm missing out on a lot of dreams which I mentioned before is where I get a lot of my messages from the Universe.
Even right now, I'm waiting with little expectation for him to finally relax enough to fall asleep but he's chattering away to himself, not taking a break. As for myself, I'm writing this down, instead of laying my own head on a pillow. What's the point in the long run if he's not going to sleep. There's no point in me even attempting to relax.
While I'm stuck outside the land of Nod with double doses of caffeine which don't seem to be working. I pray, once again, for a good night's sleep tonight.
My whole family talks in their sleep!!!!
My husband is quick to point out that I elegantly grind my teeth. I always respond "yes, because I'm stressed from not getting any sleep from the rest of you waking me up." I think that's a legitimate excuse.
I can't help it. I miss my sleep. Boy, do I miss my sleep. I never had a problem with my first son. He pretty much slept through the night right from the beginning. Talk about a blessing. But now I seem to be paying for it.
So I'm missing out on a lot of dreams which I mentioned before is where I get a lot of my messages from the Universe.
Even right now, I'm waiting with little expectation for him to finally relax enough to fall asleep but he's chattering away to himself, not taking a break. As for myself, I'm writing this down, instead of laying my own head on a pillow. What's the point in the long run if he's not going to sleep. There's no point in me even attempting to relax.
While I'm stuck outside the land of Nod with double doses of caffeine which don't seem to be working. I pray, once again, for a good night's sleep tonight.
Corey Haim
It saddened me when I heard the news of Corey Haim's passing. I loved his movies and still do especially "The Lost Boys". He was trying so hard to get back on track by Hollywood's standards I think. I hope now he's at peace.
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Where does the Time Go?????
Why does it seem like life is going by in a rush? Twenty-four hours seems like a blink. The day hardly begins and it's over. Whoa!!!! Back up a bit!!
The technology these days is part of the problem. Everyone trying to multi-task every single thing they do (since there is no such thing, a word created to give an excuse for not being able to focus attention on one task at a time) and having one's nose down, staring at a cell phone screen or a computer screen while the mostly beautiful world goes by unnoticed.
I try to take the necessary breaks during the day to be quiet, to be still especially when the children will allow it, to calm my being so I'm not in constant reaction mode. There are days where my ego is stuck there which can be very depleting.
Staying focused is a positive thing. Staying focused on the many things besides the children, gives me happiness, a jolt of rejuvenation everytime I experience them, to sneak a few moments of time so I can enjoy these things everyday. I can tell when I skip these moments, the crankiness sets in. I hate when I get cranky. So I do my best to avoid those moments, a neverending process.
Make time for yourself.
That's what I keep reminding myself.
The technology these days is part of the problem. Everyone trying to multi-task every single thing they do (since there is no such thing, a word created to give an excuse for not being able to focus attention on one task at a time) and having one's nose down, staring at a cell phone screen or a computer screen while the mostly beautiful world goes by unnoticed.
I try to take the necessary breaks during the day to be quiet, to be still especially when the children will allow it, to calm my being so I'm not in constant reaction mode. There are days where my ego is stuck there which can be very depleting.
Staying focused is a positive thing. Staying focused on the many things besides the children, gives me happiness, a jolt of rejuvenation everytime I experience them, to sneak a few moments of time so I can enjoy these things everyday. I can tell when I skip these moments, the crankiness sets in. I hate when I get cranky. So I do my best to avoid those moments, a neverending process.
Make time for yourself.
That's what I keep reminding myself.
Friday, February 26, 2010
Signs
I prayed, I waited and I received the sign. And the answer is giving myself permission to find my strength again. Yes, I admit I did lose track of where I left it but now after much encouragement from a trusted mentor, I feel empowered again. My life is enthusiastically getting back on track again.
I continue to listen and look for any other messages. I rely a great deal on the messages I get through my dreams but since my sleep is consistently broken for the past two years, thanks to my youngest son, I don't receive many messages that way. I know his restlessness is connected to my agitated spirit. The truth is unfortunate and frustrating. Even more so because I'm unable to keep more track without the help of the messages in my dreams. So I'm spinning my proverbial wheels in the negative muck yet again. Or at least I was until yesterday when I got my sign.
Thank you to the vessel with which it was sent.
Keep paying attention because the answer is there. You need to be open enough to see it and not shrug anything off as coincidence. There is no such thing as coincidence, they are always signs or messages from the Universe.
I continue to listen and look for any other messages. I rely a great deal on the messages I get through my dreams but since my sleep is consistently broken for the past two years, thanks to my youngest son, I don't receive many messages that way. I know his restlessness is connected to my agitated spirit. The truth is unfortunate and frustrating. Even more so because I'm unable to keep more track without the help of the messages in my dreams. So I'm spinning my proverbial wheels in the negative muck yet again. Or at least I was until yesterday when I got my sign.
Thank you to the vessel with which it was sent.
Keep paying attention because the answer is there. You need to be open enough to see it and not shrug anything off as coincidence. There is no such thing as coincidence, they are always signs or messages from the Universe.
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Faith
So it begins, a test in faith. Normally, I accept the life plan, we're all here to experience certain things and lessons to balance out karma from previous lives. We agreed to a specific amount of time and then we leave. Simple enough. I also accept that everything that crosses my path is doing so for a reason. But sometimes these lessons can be a bitch.
I ask for guidance and I usually get it or should I say I'm aware of the response from God, in one form or another. And then there are times when I believe God needs me to prove to myself my own strength. But I'm finding in certain situations I feel almost cornered and I really hate that feeling. I get impatient looking for answers and I get impatient waiting for answers. I know I ruined a good chance to see any kind of answer by adding impatience to the formula. It's very hard to stay calm and detached when I'm in the middle of the moment. I ask what do I need to do right now? And I hear "write" which I'm doing. Am I doing the right kind of writing? ......time will tell, I guess. It's not exactly the answer I was looking for but it's the one I got.
Keep pushing forward and keeping asking for guidance, while holding strong to the faith it/he/she is always listening.
I'm reading Julia Cameron's 'Faith and Will'. An excellent reminder of God working with us if we are willing to meet him halfway or we can fight him every step of the way and see how far we get.....Good read.
I ask for guidance and I usually get it or should I say I'm aware of the response from God, in one form or another. And then there are times when I believe God needs me to prove to myself my own strength. But I'm finding in certain situations I feel almost cornered and I really hate that feeling. I get impatient looking for answers and I get impatient waiting for answers. I know I ruined a good chance to see any kind of answer by adding impatience to the formula. It's very hard to stay calm and detached when I'm in the middle of the moment. I ask what do I need to do right now? And I hear "write" which I'm doing. Am I doing the right kind of writing? ......time will tell, I guess. It's not exactly the answer I was looking for but it's the one I got.
Keep pushing forward and keeping asking for guidance, while holding strong to the faith it/he/she is always listening.
I'm reading Julia Cameron's 'Faith and Will'. An excellent reminder of God working with us if we are willing to meet him halfway or we can fight him every step of the way and see how far we get.....Good read.
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Challenges....There May Be Plenty
I guess I should put this one before the forgiveness entry, it seems out of order but then again life doesn't always go in order.
What I'm talking about is the never ending line of people who cross our paths, testing our patience, hurting our pride, causing us unbearable pain (physical or emotional). Sometimes in my life, there doesn't seem to be a line of people, it's more like a stampede, coming at me in all directions.
I wonder what the heck is going on when certain people in my life literally get in my face or in their cowardly way work the situation behind my back, while hiding in the shadows, thinking I must be stupid like I wouldn't have a clue it was them.
In this life for me, I seem to feel the need to get the full experience with overbearing, pushy women or is it insecure, controlling women. And and every stage of my life there is a resident 'make my life miserable' female. The most recent one keeps teaching me so far that if she's nice to me.....be on guard because she's up to something.
I'm not playing a victim in any way, shape or form. I just sit and wonder why people behave that way. Is it insecurity, fear, issues from childhood, getting a fix on seeing other people hurt or just a case of basic sociopathic behaviour, where they're completely devoid of human compassion and sensitivity. I don't know.
I hear many times that we need to be reminded, we are all innocent, pure spirits here on earth, learning through the same human experience. It's difficult to remember though when I'm in the middle of one of those emotionally challenging moments.
But the one I need to really remind myself is my higher self wrote these moments for myself, knowing I could handle it. God, only gives us no more than we can handle. Boy, some days I don't know about that. Those days I would love to throw in the towel and say 'okay, you know what, you win, who cares anymore'. I even tried sending out love to those you-know-whats but it never seems to take effect until after they zinged me good. OUCH!! Usually I'm feeling a few scratches after those moments.
So I go back to what's the secret with dealing with these people?? Well, one theory is I attract them to me as an obstacle to overcome. And then there's karma. I understand the whole karma thing and I firmly believe it to be true, what I don't understand is why they don't get it.
Sylvia Browne said once on Montel that karma payback comes in God's time, not ours. Yes, I guess if it was in our time it's considered revenge.
That's the real challenge seeing those relationships for what they are and not backing down, standing my ground, learning over time to choose my battles wisely and to take a step back.
What I'm talking about is the never ending line of people who cross our paths, testing our patience, hurting our pride, causing us unbearable pain (physical or emotional). Sometimes in my life, there doesn't seem to be a line of people, it's more like a stampede, coming at me in all directions.
I wonder what the heck is going on when certain people in my life literally get in my face or in their cowardly way work the situation behind my back, while hiding in the shadows, thinking I must be stupid like I wouldn't have a clue it was them.
In this life for me, I seem to feel the need to get the full experience with overbearing, pushy women or is it insecure, controlling women. And and every stage of my life there is a resident 'make my life miserable' female. The most recent one keeps teaching me so far that if she's nice to me.....be on guard because she's up to something.
I'm not playing a victim in any way, shape or form. I just sit and wonder why people behave that way. Is it insecurity, fear, issues from childhood, getting a fix on seeing other people hurt or just a case of basic sociopathic behaviour, where they're completely devoid of human compassion and sensitivity. I don't know.
I hear many times that we need to be reminded, we are all innocent, pure spirits here on earth, learning through the same human experience. It's difficult to remember though when I'm in the middle of one of those emotionally challenging moments.
But the one I need to really remind myself is my higher self wrote these moments for myself, knowing I could handle it. God, only gives us no more than we can handle. Boy, some days I don't know about that. Those days I would love to throw in the towel and say 'okay, you know what, you win, who cares anymore'. I even tried sending out love to those you-know-whats but it never seems to take effect until after they zinged me good. OUCH!! Usually I'm feeling a few scratches after those moments.
So I go back to what's the secret with dealing with these people?? Well, one theory is I attract them to me as an obstacle to overcome. And then there's karma. I understand the whole karma thing and I firmly believe it to be true, what I don't understand is why they don't get it.
Sylvia Browne said once on Montel that karma payback comes in God's time, not ours. Yes, I guess if it was in our time it's considered revenge.
That's the real challenge seeing those relationships for what they are and not backing down, standing my ground, learning over time to choose my battles wisely and to take a step back.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Forgiveness
I'm learning more and more with each passing day, month and year that holding onto a grudge can be deadly, literally. I'm a very loyal person and I expect it in return so when I get stabbed in the back especially by someone I considered a good friend, I shut down, cutting that person out of my life. Some things are just unforgivable. Plain and simple. But the only problem is I'm hanging onto it. It's literally stuck to me, weighing me down, eventually taking over my life, gradually leaving me sick. You're probably asking yourself 'Why would you do that?' Problem is we all do it. We all are hanging onto something from our past, something that hurt us, changing who we are. I can definitely agree with being changed by a friend's hurtfulness but even above and beyond that and not being able to let it go.
Always on guard, just in case it happens again. There's always that possibility especially when those people are part of my extended family.
So much was weighing me down because of their constant presence and I wasn't liking my moods anymore.
Things needed to change, exercising was one of them, as mentioned in my previous entry. Another was letting go of the hurtful memories because they weren't helping me. Releasing the built up frustration and the anger over the past is a blessing. Now remember just because I'm forgiving doesn't mean they are absolved of their karma for being hurtful, it means I let go so I don't lose myself in the pain any longer.
I started with Reiki.
I remembered afterwards a comment Louise Hay said on Oprah. Now I'm paraphrasing so bear with me. How we could be trying everything to move forward on a project, a relationship, something, anything but it just isn't happening. If that's the case maybe we need to look behind us and see if we need to forgive somebody.
That memory was a lightbulb moment.
There's where I was stuck in the muck of bitter resentment. And I don't like carrying the load anymore.
One minute at a time, one day at a time, I will drop this load. It's too heavy and I want to be happy again.
Always on guard, just in case it happens again. There's always that possibility especially when those people are part of my extended family.
So much was weighing me down because of their constant presence and I wasn't liking my moods anymore.
Things needed to change, exercising was one of them, as mentioned in my previous entry. Another was letting go of the hurtful memories because they weren't helping me. Releasing the built up frustration and the anger over the past is a blessing. Now remember just because I'm forgiving doesn't mean they are absolved of their karma for being hurtful, it means I let go so I don't lose myself in the pain any longer.
I started with Reiki.
I remembered afterwards a comment Louise Hay said on Oprah. Now I'm paraphrasing so bear with me. How we could be trying everything to move forward on a project, a relationship, something, anything but it just isn't happening. If that's the case maybe we need to look behind us and see if we need to forgive somebody.
That memory was a lightbulb moment.
There's where I was stuck in the muck of bitter resentment. And I don't like carrying the load anymore.
One minute at a time, one day at a time, I will drop this load. It's too heavy and I want to be happy again.
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Exercise
Here I am at the end of the first week in February of 2010. I am about 3 weeks late getting started instead of like most everybody else on January 1st but you already know one of my resolutions is curing my procrastination problem. I'm,of course, still working on that one. It won't disappear overnight..... so baby steps.
But I did start one thing.... exercising and small changes in my diet. Since I know a lot of people don't like the word 'diet' I'll switch it to 'food intake'. I do the 10,000 steps a day that Dr. Oz suggested and sit ups. I'm noticing a difference already so I'm sticking with it. Little changes go a long way especially in loosening my clothes. It's amazing what having babies does to a woman's body. Some women are blessed to be given bodies that snap right back to pre-baby shape. I, however, was not one of them. OK, yes I was for the first one. Not so much for the second one. Since I'm noticing the exercising making a dent in the post-baby weight, I will persevere.
And then there's the emotional weight all wound up inside of it. Hanging onto those pounds in the past seemed to make life easier but now I decided 'no more'. Moving on and shaking loose old thoughts not helping me in the now ....... in the present. Exercising is assisting me to work off built up energy, releasing overwhelming frustrations with being the title of wife, mother (all the unmentioned titles that come with being a mother) and career woman. Sometimes too many titles can be cause for all the extra stress.
There was a time when I regularly did 15,000 steps a day. Before husband and children, that is. One day I will be there again. Small changes. One day at a time ..... one minute at a time.
Exercising is helping me to feel good about myself again. For that I'm grateful.
But I did start one thing.... exercising and small changes in my diet. Since I know a lot of people don't like the word 'diet' I'll switch it to 'food intake'. I do the 10,000 steps a day that Dr. Oz suggested and sit ups. I'm noticing a difference already so I'm sticking with it. Little changes go a long way especially in loosening my clothes. It's amazing what having babies does to a woman's body. Some women are blessed to be given bodies that snap right back to pre-baby shape. I, however, was not one of them. OK, yes I was for the first one. Not so much for the second one. Since I'm noticing the exercising making a dent in the post-baby weight, I will persevere.
And then there's the emotional weight all wound up inside of it. Hanging onto those pounds in the past seemed to make life easier but now I decided 'no more'. Moving on and shaking loose old thoughts not helping me in the now ....... in the present. Exercising is assisting me to work off built up energy, releasing overwhelming frustrations with being the title of wife, mother (all the unmentioned titles that come with being a mother) and career woman. Sometimes too many titles can be cause for all the extra stress.
There was a time when I regularly did 15,000 steps a day. Before husband and children, that is. One day I will be there again. Small changes. One day at a time ..... one minute at a time.
Exercising is helping me to feel good about myself again. For that I'm grateful.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Another Legend Gone
I watched the Grammys on Sunday night, not all of it mind you, I don't have the 3 1/2 hours to devote to it like I used to and I haven't watched it in at least 6 years. Being a Bon Jovi fan, I was surprised when the announcers said it was their first performance on the Grammys. Great songs and the guys looked good.
I shed a few more tears when the tribute to Michael Jackson played. It's still hard to believe he is gone. He was, still is and always will be the King of Pop.
Anybody who grew up in the 80's knew the Thriller album, the hit songs, the one white glove and that freaky video. To this day, it is still the coolest video. Oh my gosh, who didn't attempt the moonwalk??
His 'Man in the Mirror' song always stirs my soul, reminding me I can make a difference in the world. It's all a matter of choice.
Sure there are plenty of people who are quick to bring up all the alleged bad things he took part in the last decade or so of his life. Who knows if he did or he didn't, only he and God know for sure. And that's between them now.
The rest of us are left with his music and remembering the huge impact he had on our culture. And with that I will always cherish the memories of my childhood hearing his music in the background.
He was and always will remain the King of Pop.
Here's to you, Michael.....
I shed a few more tears when the tribute to Michael Jackson played. It's still hard to believe he is gone. He was, still is and always will be the King of Pop.
Anybody who grew up in the 80's knew the Thriller album, the hit songs, the one white glove and that freaky video. To this day, it is still the coolest video. Oh my gosh, who didn't attempt the moonwalk??
His 'Man in the Mirror' song always stirs my soul, reminding me I can make a difference in the world. It's all a matter of choice.
Sure there are plenty of people who are quick to bring up all the alleged bad things he took part in the last decade or so of his life. Who knows if he did or he didn't, only he and God know for sure. And that's between them now.
The rest of us are left with his music and remembering the huge impact he had on our culture. And with that I will always cherish the memories of my childhood hearing his music in the background.
He was and always will remain the King of Pop.
Here's to you, Michael.....
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Friendship
What would life be like without my best buds?? Oh, absolutely unbearable!! I literally get teary eyed when I think of my friends..... my best friend's throughout my life, being able to get together without any distractions and catch up, talking, sharing secrets and laughing. Laughing with my girlfriends is the best medicine for me when life gets to be too much. Everything seems easier, even if only for a short time.
One of my best buds, I've known since high school. The guys we were dating at the time introduced us and we've been tight ever since while our significant others changed. We lean on each other through the good and especially the bad, I think that's the true test of a real friendship.... where are they when the times are touch??
It's like a slap to the face when someone I believed was a true blue friend turned on me, manipulating a situation like a director of a soap opera and then denying it when she got caught. It's hard to accept sometimes. A friend's betrayal can be equal to a spouse's betrayal. But then I remember the verse about people being in our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. Accept the lesson and move on. Forgiveness is in there too but that's another entry for another time.
I was told once that "real" friends will go to the wall for you, get in every body's face so you don't have to. Basically fight your battles for you. I couldn't disagree more. Every battle in our lives needs to be fought by ourselves but our friends will be right next to us, holding our hands and holding us up if we need the strength, or courage.....or both.
I'm not a big fan of the big social networks but then I did find some old friends I lost contact with over the years. So I will give it points for that at least.
Do you have friends, close friends ...... best friends, special girls you can get silly with, embarrass yourself around and laugh with until your sides hurt. If you said "yes", say "thank you for being a part of my life".
For me, it's time to say it again so I'll call them right now. No procrastinating. That resolution thing is still a work in progress.
If you got time listen to "Waiting on a Friend" by the Rolling Stones.
I did.
One of my best buds, I've known since high school. The guys we were dating at the time introduced us and we've been tight ever since while our significant others changed. We lean on each other through the good and especially the bad, I think that's the true test of a real friendship.... where are they when the times are touch??
It's like a slap to the face when someone I believed was a true blue friend turned on me, manipulating a situation like a director of a soap opera and then denying it when she got caught. It's hard to accept sometimes. A friend's betrayal can be equal to a spouse's betrayal. But then I remember the verse about people being in our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. Accept the lesson and move on. Forgiveness is in there too but that's another entry for another time.
I was told once that "real" friends will go to the wall for you, get in every body's face so you don't have to. Basically fight your battles for you. I couldn't disagree more. Every battle in our lives needs to be fought by ourselves but our friends will be right next to us, holding our hands and holding us up if we need the strength, or courage.....or both.
I'm not a big fan of the big social networks but then I did find some old friends I lost contact with over the years. So I will give it points for that at least.
Do you have friends, close friends ...... best friends, special girls you can get silly with, embarrass yourself around and laugh with until your sides hurt. If you said "yes", say "thank you for being a part of my life".
For me, it's time to say it again so I'll call them right now. No procrastinating. That resolution thing is still a work in progress.
If you got time listen to "Waiting on a Friend" by the Rolling Stones.
I did.
Monday, January 25, 2010
QUOTE
Happiness is a perfume you cannot pour on others without getting a few drops on yourself - Ralph Waldo Emerson
The Flip Side of Love
Okay, now I understand the whole love thing, beautiful, peaceful, pleasant, keeps a person warm at night and it helps the world go round, a perfect world and especially one with a few battle scars in it.
What I don't get is the whole hate thing. I don't understand the whole hate a complete race, religion, culture, gender, career, etc. to the point of wanting to wipe them off the face of the earth. It doesn't make any sense to me. Are people that high on themselves they believe their presence here on earth is more important than someone elses and they are willing to harass, torture and murder to prove it? I shake my head because the theory just boggles my mind. And then they suck God in to prove their point. God created ALL of us, every single person, creature, and plant on this earth and then someone comes along saying "I'm more important than you and if you don't agree with me, I need to get rid of you." How stupid is that!!!
But it all boils down to the fear of change. Why are so many afraid of moving forward?? We don't seem to mind all the technological advancements but some can NOT handle change in society as a people. A lot were ecstatic the United States elected, Barrack Obama the first African American president. My reaction was I couldn't figure out why it hadn't happened sooner.
Or the whole gay marriage controversy. Again I don't understand the problem. If they're in love and want to make a commitment who are we to stop them. How does a couple who want to get married you don't even know affect your life? It doesn't. Just like what you do doesn't affect their lives.
I was shocked during the latest Survivor to hear all the racial comments coming from a certain castaway. I won't say his name because he's already quite full of himself and he doesn't need anymore attention. It was disturbing that he sounded so justified and self-righteous while showing off an equally extreme case of male chauvinism.
I'm not sure who I should be more outraged at ..... him, the rest of the castaways who sat back not saying anything or the show for giving him a soapbox to promote racism.
All hatred is a crime against innocent souls and it's been going on for thousands of years. It is 2010 and there are so many of the world's population who hasn't evolved past aggressive controlling behaviour. Hatred leaves permanent imprints on the earth. And then we all comment with curiosity how Mother Nature seems to be turning on us with hurricanes, tornadoes and other extreme elements. Maybe we need to see what's staring us in the face..... all the wars and killing through the centuries is destroying our planet (besides pollution), we are helping to destroy our home.
What's that song I hear playing.... oh yeah "all you need is love.....all you need is love......all you need is love, love.....love is all you need"
Words to live by.
What I don't get is the whole hate thing. I don't understand the whole hate a complete race, religion, culture, gender, career, etc. to the point of wanting to wipe them off the face of the earth. It doesn't make any sense to me. Are people that high on themselves they believe their presence here on earth is more important than someone elses and they are willing to harass, torture and murder to prove it? I shake my head because the theory just boggles my mind. And then they suck God in to prove their point. God created ALL of us, every single person, creature, and plant on this earth and then someone comes along saying "I'm more important than you and if you don't agree with me, I need to get rid of you." How stupid is that!!!
But it all boils down to the fear of change. Why are so many afraid of moving forward?? We don't seem to mind all the technological advancements but some can NOT handle change in society as a people. A lot were ecstatic the United States elected, Barrack Obama the first African American president. My reaction was I couldn't figure out why it hadn't happened sooner.
Or the whole gay marriage controversy. Again I don't understand the problem. If they're in love and want to make a commitment who are we to stop them. How does a couple who want to get married you don't even know affect your life? It doesn't. Just like what you do doesn't affect their lives.
I was shocked during the latest Survivor to hear all the racial comments coming from a certain castaway. I won't say his name because he's already quite full of himself and he doesn't need anymore attention. It was disturbing that he sounded so justified and self-righteous while showing off an equally extreme case of male chauvinism.
I'm not sure who I should be more outraged at ..... him, the rest of the castaways who sat back not saying anything or the show for giving him a soapbox to promote racism.
All hatred is a crime against innocent souls and it's been going on for thousands of years. It is 2010 and there are so many of the world's population who hasn't evolved past aggressive controlling behaviour. Hatred leaves permanent imprints on the earth. And then we all comment with curiosity how Mother Nature seems to be turning on us with hurricanes, tornadoes and other extreme elements. Maybe we need to see what's staring us in the face..... all the wars and killing through the centuries is destroying our planet (besides pollution), we are helping to destroy our home.
What's that song I hear playing.... oh yeah "all you need is love.....all you need is love......all you need is love, love.....love is all you need"
Words to live by.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Love
Ahhhh love...... a many splendor ed thing. Sometimes. When it works in our favour, that is. There are plenty of famous couples throughout history, real and fictional, who it didn't work out for them.....Romeo and Juliet, Scarlett and Rhett, Prince Charles and Lady Diana, etc.
Love is supposed to be the most important thing in our lives, the most important thing in the world.... to love each other, to find that special someone, the infamous soul mate. It's a wonderful emotion falling in love, quite intoxicating and then being in that comfortable stage of love. Pure bliss being part of a connection. And then there are all the great mushy movies, romance novels and songs in the name of love. I have my favourites in every category. All three getting me through my teenage years. Who hasn't clung to the radio listening to a love soaked mournful song about love gone wrong and its beautiful misery.
But it isn't beautiful misery when you are the one blindsided by the unspeakable pain that only loss can bring. Loss isn't funny and it isn't romantic. Why is it for some love is taken from them? Is it the Universe reminding us, we don't know what we got until its gone? To appreciate the precious people in our lives?
And then there's the souls clinging to a relationship no matter how bad, claiming its love but it's really the fear of being alone. Some just want to be with someone, anyone so long as they're not alone. Those are the people who NEED to be alone because they possess a serious fear. And it's not the fear of being alone. It's the fear of being with themselves and only themselves.
I was there a few years ago (being in a very close relationship I mean) and I didn't realize how dependent on it I was until the death of my husband forced me to be alone. In the midst of my grief, I found me. And that is no sappy cliche. It's the God's honest truth. I know what I want and most importantly what I DON'T want and what I won't put up with.... most days.
There was a point I thought I got the whole lesson thing figured out and then I got sucker punched by my own cockiness. I was forced to admit that when it comes to love I didn't learn as much as I thought.
But no matter what, I will always believe in 'happily ever after' even if I need to wait for mine.
Love is supposed to be the most important thing in our lives, the most important thing in the world.... to love each other, to find that special someone, the infamous soul mate. It's a wonderful emotion falling in love, quite intoxicating and then being in that comfortable stage of love. Pure bliss being part of a connection. And then there are all the great mushy movies, romance novels and songs in the name of love. I have my favourites in every category. All three getting me through my teenage years. Who hasn't clung to the radio listening to a love soaked mournful song about love gone wrong and its beautiful misery.
But it isn't beautiful misery when you are the one blindsided by the unspeakable pain that only loss can bring. Loss isn't funny and it isn't romantic. Why is it for some love is taken from them? Is it the Universe reminding us, we don't know what we got until its gone? To appreciate the precious people in our lives?
And then there's the souls clinging to a relationship no matter how bad, claiming its love but it's really the fear of being alone. Some just want to be with someone, anyone so long as they're not alone. Those are the people who NEED to be alone because they possess a serious fear. And it's not the fear of being alone. It's the fear of being with themselves and only themselves.
I was there a few years ago (being in a very close relationship I mean) and I didn't realize how dependent on it I was until the death of my husband forced me to be alone. In the midst of my grief, I found me. And that is no sappy cliche. It's the God's honest truth. I know what I want and most importantly what I DON'T want and what I won't put up with.... most days.
There was a point I thought I got the whole lesson thing figured out and then I got sucker punched by my own cockiness. I was forced to admit that when it comes to love I didn't learn as much as I thought.
But no matter what, I will always believe in 'happily ever after' even if I need to wait for mine.
Sunday, January 17, 2010
More...... Please?!
Have you ever asked yourself "Is there more than this?". I did. I remember it was January 1996 after a bad breakup. I thought is this it? Nothing but uncertainty and loss. One day shortly after the breakup, I happened across a poem. It read about how nothing is random, the one who has the control in the Universe has a plan for everyone. It was such a simple poem but I experienced my first conscious "AHA" moment.
So back to the question is there more? It isn't about the things, the possessions, the bling. There's no fulfillment there. There will be times I go shopping, an eagerness in me to buy this, that, another one of that and the other thing even though I don't really NEED any of it. Oh yes, I WANT it but once I get home and rifle through the bags, that feeling of regret settles in. Why did I waste $100 on all of this. Now I know $100 doesn't sound like much to some and to others it might feel like a small fortune so replace the $100 with an amount you can relate to that will start the guilt train down the track in your brain. You know what I'm talking about ..... the broken record of put-downs playing in a person's head when you have a vulnerable moment.
Man, don't you just love that depressing one hit wonder? You just can't get it out of your head. At least, I know it's a challenge for me but those moments are getting fewer and farther between.
I want to put something new on the turntable and I'm working on it. Whenever I hear the old broken record start playing I quickly interrupt with new positive affirmations and I repeat them at least 20 times, if not more.
I'm determined to create a new reality for myself. It's been a constant work in progress but everyday for the last 14 years I'm constantly transforming my world and every so often pushing myself to step out of the box.
That fear of change can immobilize a person. I never realized until the moment I got the chance to change my life by doing the unthinkable (in a woman's eyes) and calling up my future husband to ask him out on a date. I was so scared staring at that phone, I burst into tears. So I didn't end up calling him the first night. But I did convince myself on the second night.
Another time was going back to school. I reminded myself that I wanted something better for myself, something "more" that feeling of fulfillment, not to be stuck where I was at that point in my life. Because I felt stuck, literally. It was time to move on. The only one holding myself back was me. I tuned out the naysayers a while before that so don't listen to them.
You never know what you got in store for yourself unless you give yourself a fighting chance. So go for it! What's your more??
So back to the question is there more? It isn't about the things, the possessions, the bling. There's no fulfillment there. There will be times I go shopping, an eagerness in me to buy this, that, another one of that and the other thing even though I don't really NEED any of it. Oh yes, I WANT it but once I get home and rifle through the bags, that feeling of regret settles in. Why did I waste $100 on all of this. Now I know $100 doesn't sound like much to some and to others it might feel like a small fortune so replace the $100 with an amount you can relate to that will start the guilt train down the track in your brain. You know what I'm talking about ..... the broken record of put-downs playing in a person's head when you have a vulnerable moment.
Man, don't you just love that depressing one hit wonder? You just can't get it out of your head. At least, I know it's a challenge for me but those moments are getting fewer and farther between.
I want to put something new on the turntable and I'm working on it. Whenever I hear the old broken record start playing I quickly interrupt with new positive affirmations and I repeat them at least 20 times, if not more.
I'm determined to create a new reality for myself. It's been a constant work in progress but everyday for the last 14 years I'm constantly transforming my world and every so often pushing myself to step out of the box.
That fear of change can immobilize a person. I never realized until the moment I got the chance to change my life by doing the unthinkable (in a woman's eyes) and calling up my future husband to ask him out on a date. I was so scared staring at that phone, I burst into tears. So I didn't end up calling him the first night. But I did convince myself on the second night.
Another time was going back to school. I reminded myself that I wanted something better for myself, something "more" that feeling of fulfillment, not to be stuck where I was at that point in my life. Because I felt stuck, literally. It was time to move on. The only one holding myself back was me. I tuned out the naysayers a while before that so don't listen to them.
You never know what you got in store for yourself unless you give yourself a fighting chance. So go for it! What's your more??
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
QUOTE
Sometimes the most urgent and vital thing you can possibly do is take a complete rest - Ashleigh Brilliant
Messages....
It doesn't matter what anybody else thinks because you're the one living your life. Friends, family, even complete strangers on reality shows have opinions and that's great. Those opinions suit them for their life. Does their 2 cents apply to your life? Does it feel right? Sometimes we want advice so badly we'll take whatever we can get.
I believe the Universe is always sending us messages if we're paying attention but the other stuff is just junk. We need to be able to decipher and filter out the good, important stuff, the gold nuggets of information from the rest of the garbage. But you need to go back to the question, "does it feel right?". The most common answer is "I'm not sure.". The best way to be positive is stop...... literally stop unless of course you're driving. If you're driving, turn down the radio. Now take a deep breath, a breath so deep you inhale right down to your toes. Ask yourself the question again. Now pay attention to your body's reactions. How did your body react? Good feeling or bad feeling. If you're still not sure, keep trying. Practice makes perfect.
Also notice your body's reactions to the people around you. Do you feel drained or uplifted? Some so-called friends and family can be toxic to your spirit if you do not protect yourself. I wish I could avoid every person who sucks the energy out of me like an emotional vampire but unfortunately, I accepted that isn't always possible.
I know messages are everywhere but I don't always notice them. Like lately, I'm dropping things or things are falling down around me. The first part is I'm not grasping on to something. Not sure what though. I don't know exactly what the second one means. Maybe my reality is crumbling down around me. Pretty morbid.
Or then there is constantly asking a question and not noticing a reply. If there is a reply, it's not always obvious. And if you're like me, you need it obvious. If you really need an answer and there isn't one appearing, do everything to avoid the desperation zone. Distract yourself in any way possible which makes it an excellent excuse to work on that hobby. If you don't have one..... find one. All of it is important to staying balanced in the meantime.
And then there are dreams...... Dreams are another way to receive important answers to questions. They're not as weird as they seem at first glance. It's all about symbolism.
But the point is, life is not random. There is a reason for everything so start figuring out why you're on the path in front of you.
I believe the Universe is always sending us messages if we're paying attention but the other stuff is just junk. We need to be able to decipher and filter out the good, important stuff, the gold nuggets of information from the rest of the garbage. But you need to go back to the question, "does it feel right?". The most common answer is "I'm not sure.". The best way to be positive is stop...... literally stop unless of course you're driving. If you're driving, turn down the radio. Now take a deep breath, a breath so deep you inhale right down to your toes. Ask yourself the question again. Now pay attention to your body's reactions. How did your body react? Good feeling or bad feeling. If you're still not sure, keep trying. Practice makes perfect.
Also notice your body's reactions to the people around you. Do you feel drained or uplifted? Some so-called friends and family can be toxic to your spirit if you do not protect yourself. I wish I could avoid every person who sucks the energy out of me like an emotional vampire but unfortunately, I accepted that isn't always possible.
I know messages are everywhere but I don't always notice them. Like lately, I'm dropping things or things are falling down around me. The first part is I'm not grasping on to something. Not sure what though. I don't know exactly what the second one means. Maybe my reality is crumbling down around me. Pretty morbid.
Or then there is constantly asking a question and not noticing a reply. If there is a reply, it's not always obvious. And if you're like me, you need it obvious. If you really need an answer and there isn't one appearing, do everything to avoid the desperation zone. Distract yourself in any way possible which makes it an excellent excuse to work on that hobby. If you don't have one..... find one. All of it is important to staying balanced in the meantime.
And then there are dreams...... Dreams are another way to receive important answers to questions. They're not as weird as they seem at first glance. It's all about symbolism.
But the point is, life is not random. There is a reason for everything so start figuring out why you're on the path in front of you.
Sunday, January 10, 2010
QUOTE
As human beings, our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world....
as in being able to remake ourselves - Mahatma Gandhi
as in being able to remake ourselves - Mahatma Gandhi
Impressions
I was told different times in the past that I'm very complicated. My reply is I'm like an open book, you just have to want to take the time to read the pages between the covers. I don't think that's too much to ask. Each person is more than what you see on the surface. They're multi-layered underneath. That's obvious. Every person possesses hopes and dreams...... what makes them tick. Everyone.
I noticed a few years ago and still do from time to time whenever I meet someone new they will ask "What do you do?" or "Where do you work?".
Me. I didn't work a high paying job which for some is equivalent to interesting, powerful......important. I loved what I did then and I love what I do now. There were a few eyebrows raised at the time to see me who was so young given so much responsibility. But really who cares. I would much rather know if you love how you live everyday. What stirs your soul? What are you curious about? What do you love? Besides the closet full of clothes, the big screen TV or the latest gadget. Face it at the end of the day, those things don't fill you up.
There are some guys I know who are friends since high school. Everytime they get together they end up trying to out brag one another. I'm not kidding. Everytime. I call it a pissing match. It's pretty sad.
I don't try to impress people anymore. I guess it wasn't so much impress as it was people pleasing. Either way, it's not worth it. I grew up watching my parents bend over backwards to keep relationships among my extended family pleasant while said family proceeded to be manipulative and controlling. It took many years but they are sort of grown out of it. There are moments where they slip back into old patterns but otherwise, all is well.
I dated a boy through high school who possessed the same adage as my parents "Don't rock the boat" or "Don't cause waves". When I finally said enough is enough, he decided to move on. Oh well.
I realized through a lot of lessons there is no pleasing some people no matter how hard I try. So be it. Lesson accepted.
I am my biggest critic and I am my biggest supporter. I know who I am but everyday I am discovering a little bit more about myself and about the Universe. And I remind myself to only listen to about 10% of what I hear through the media and the government. Because they only tell you what they think you should know, not necessarily the truth.
That's not being complicated. Is it?
I noticed a few years ago and still do from time to time whenever I meet someone new they will ask "What do you do?" or "Where do you work?".
Me. I didn't work a high paying job which for some is equivalent to interesting, powerful......important. I loved what I did then and I love what I do now. There were a few eyebrows raised at the time to see me who was so young given so much responsibility. But really who cares. I would much rather know if you love how you live everyday. What stirs your soul? What are you curious about? What do you love? Besides the closet full of clothes, the big screen TV or the latest gadget. Face it at the end of the day, those things don't fill you up.
There are some guys I know who are friends since high school. Everytime they get together they end up trying to out brag one another. I'm not kidding. Everytime. I call it a pissing match. It's pretty sad.
I don't try to impress people anymore. I guess it wasn't so much impress as it was people pleasing. Either way, it's not worth it. I grew up watching my parents bend over backwards to keep relationships among my extended family pleasant while said family proceeded to be manipulative and controlling. It took many years but they are sort of grown out of it. There are moments where they slip back into old patterns but otherwise, all is well.
I dated a boy through high school who possessed the same adage as my parents "Don't rock the boat" or "Don't cause waves". When I finally said enough is enough, he decided to move on. Oh well.
I realized through a lot of lessons there is no pleasing some people no matter how hard I try. So be it. Lesson accepted.
I am my biggest critic and I am my biggest supporter. I know who I am but everyday I am discovering a little bit more about myself and about the Universe. And I remind myself to only listen to about 10% of what I hear through the media and the government. Because they only tell you what they think you should know, not necessarily the truth.
That's not being complicated. Is it?
Monday, January 4, 2010
Try Being Nice
I did it. I did get the Christmas decorations put away. It took only about two hours but the temptation to avoid the inevitable.... oh....probably a couple of days. Baby steps. I'm moving in baby steps.
Life gets back to normal now, whatever that may be.
The holidays are behind us. It's only been 10 days since Christmas and I felt like it was wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am-see-you-all-again-next-year. I keep wanting to look behind me and say "wait a minute, what happened, where'd you go?" I mean I'm still listening to Christmas music in the car. Ok, today I didn't.
I was disappointed on the 28th. I stopped to get a much needed fill up on gas. There was a lady ahead of me in line to pay. When she was leaving she said "Merry Christmas" to the attendant. The attendant waited, of course, until the lady was out of earshot when she grumbled "Christmas is over with". I was quite taken aback by the criticism. Come on. Really. What's the big deal? I guess I'm naive but I truly don't believe there's anything wrong with the holiday wishes. I could see if New Years was long over but at that point it hadn't happened yet. As far as I'm concerned Christmas involves the whole month of December. The media and retailers have no problem starting their advertising overload at 12:01 a.m. on November 1st. So I can understand if some get testy (that's where the deep breath comes in) but there's no reason for out right bitchiness.
I figure everybody needs an excuse to extend a little goodwill. Yes, you read right.....an excuse. Nobody deserves getting snipped at for extending well wishes. There's nothing wrong with being nice. So some people need to take the proverbial chill pill and stop pissing in everybody else's corn flakes. The day will be a lot more warmer and brighter than the -20 with the wind chill we experience at this time of year.
Life gets back to normal now, whatever that may be.
The holidays are behind us. It's only been 10 days since Christmas and I felt like it was wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am-see-you-all-again-next-year. I keep wanting to look behind me and say "wait a minute, what happened, where'd you go?" I mean I'm still listening to Christmas music in the car. Ok, today I didn't.
I was disappointed on the 28th. I stopped to get a much needed fill up on gas. There was a lady ahead of me in line to pay. When she was leaving she said "Merry Christmas" to the attendant. The attendant waited, of course, until the lady was out of earshot when she grumbled "Christmas is over with". I was quite taken aback by the criticism. Come on. Really. What's the big deal? I guess I'm naive but I truly don't believe there's anything wrong with the holiday wishes. I could see if New Years was long over but at that point it hadn't happened yet. As far as I'm concerned Christmas involves the whole month of December. The media and retailers have no problem starting their advertising overload at 12:01 a.m. on November 1st. So I can understand if some get testy (that's where the deep breath comes in) but there's no reason for out right bitchiness.
I figure everybody needs an excuse to extend a little goodwill. Yes, you read right.....an excuse. Nobody deserves getting snipped at for extending well wishes. There's nothing wrong with being nice. So some people need to take the proverbial chill pill and stop pissing in everybody else's corn flakes. The day will be a lot more warmer and brighter than the -20 with the wind chill we experience at this time of year.
Saturday, January 2, 2010
What's the Resolution this year??
Well we're all just 2 days into the New Year 2010. And I've been feeling a strong energy of change for the last week. So I'm anticipating all the possibilities the new year has in store for me and the world around us.
I keep thinking about making some resolutions. Sure I've made plenty of them in the past ....and broke them within a few weeks, you know the unrealistic kind. And then there were the years I didn't bother to make any at all. What was the point since I kept breaking them anyways.
My real problem is procrastination, getting started on something, some idea with enthusiasm and then when it wanes slightly that's when I get distracted or put it off (for awhile). It's not hard when two children are constantly wanting my attention or something conveniently catches my attention like a new book (love to read), a new movie comes out or one of my hobbies (I mentioned before) demands more of my attention or work related events come up. There are so many things. The list is long. I could keep going on and on. But the point is I need to stay focused.
I always believed every other woman on the face of the earth was way more organized than me. And then I realized, after watching an episode of Oprah, how unrealistic my expectations were and even if there were women more organized then me it was because their "to do" lists were so long they didn't give themselves time to think. I certainly refuse to be like that stereotype. We're supposed to be enjoying life not be on the go constantly that we barely give ourselves time to breathe.
Maybe that's why I procrastinate. My world gets too busy and that's my spirits way of letting me know it's time for me to take a break so I don't burn myself out.
Maybe that's why there's the ones hooked on coffee, food, alcohol, sex, drugs, etc.. They can't cope with the reality they created for themselves so they do what they can to avoid reality altogether.
So I guess the resolution this year is going to be stop procrastinating. Sounds too tough off the start....going cold turkey. So how about I will make a conscious effort to not procrastinate nearly as much as I used to.....
Now I'm going to do what I'm trying to avoid.....putting away the Christmas decorations. One point for resolutions.
I keep thinking about making some resolutions. Sure I've made plenty of them in the past ....and broke them within a few weeks, you know the unrealistic kind. And then there were the years I didn't bother to make any at all. What was the point since I kept breaking them anyways.
My real problem is procrastination, getting started on something, some idea with enthusiasm and then when it wanes slightly that's when I get distracted or put it off (for awhile). It's not hard when two children are constantly wanting my attention or something conveniently catches my attention like a new book (love to read), a new movie comes out or one of my hobbies (I mentioned before) demands more of my attention or work related events come up. There are so many things. The list is long. I could keep going on and on. But the point is I need to stay focused.
I always believed every other woman on the face of the earth was way more organized than me. And then I realized, after watching an episode of Oprah, how unrealistic my expectations were and even if there were women more organized then me it was because their "to do" lists were so long they didn't give themselves time to think. I certainly refuse to be like that stereotype. We're supposed to be enjoying life not be on the go constantly that we barely give ourselves time to breathe.
Maybe that's why I procrastinate. My world gets too busy and that's my spirits way of letting me know it's time for me to take a break so I don't burn myself out.
Maybe that's why there's the ones hooked on coffee, food, alcohol, sex, drugs, etc.. They can't cope with the reality they created for themselves so they do what they can to avoid reality altogether.
So I guess the resolution this year is going to be stop procrastinating. Sounds too tough off the start....going cold turkey. So how about I will make a conscious effort to not procrastinate nearly as much as I used to.....
Now I'm going to do what I'm trying to avoid.....putting away the Christmas decorations. One point for resolutions.
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